Who am I anyway?
...
After 25 years as an
award winning
advertising Execu-
woman I'm on a
campaign to inspire
women to unzip their
inner joy through
my writing, paintings
and transformational
speaking. To find out
more about me
zip
over here.



Do you know a Goddess
of Transformation?

Each month we'll honor
a woman who has
changed her life or
someone else's. 

Contact me to
nominate yourself or
another goddess
(and tell me why).

What you see really is what you get.


So, the other day, my 17- year old Rebel-Without-A-Cause-Of-A-Son, had a teenage temper tantrum and slammed the front door so hard, it literally broke.

Instead of breaking down myself, I took Lucky, (my furry, more cooperative son), out for a walk, a prayer and a good cry.

“WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS BOY???” I sobbed to the heavens, the trees, the flowers and  some passing neighbors who must think I’m totally nuts.

The answer came to me in a whisper:

“See the best of him. Forget the rest of him.”

I’m not sure why my Inner Voice sounds like a Hallmark card.

But I do know that little phrase gave me the chills. And plenty to think about.

Chances are, even if you don’t have a defiant teenager, you do have someone or something in your life you wish you could change.

But the only thing we can really change is how we choose to look at things.

In order to “see the best and forget the rest,” we need to re-train our brains.

Here’s a process that has been working for me. See if it resonates for you:

1. Own your feelings (or they’ll own you.)
Trust me, when Landon shattered the glass on our  little Leave-It To-Beaver-Dutch door,  I couldn’t just wave a magic wand and “see the best of him.”

No, I had to allow my self to feel. Furious. Frustrated. Annoyed. Hurt. Worried. Sad. Freaked out.  (Naming the feelings helps us experience them in the present moment without getting swept away by “what if’s,” “shoulda’s” and “coulda’s”.)

2. Don’t just sit there. Do something.
Now that you’ve identified your feelings, don’t let them fester. Get them out.  Talk them out. Cry them out. Hike them out. Write them out. Kick them out. (And in this case, inform your son that he’ll be working to pay off the glass bill.)

3. Breathe.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.  Take as long as you need to stop your mind from spinning out of control.

This is a hard habit for me to break. Instead of seeing a good kid having a bad day, I spiraled off into the Land of Worst Case Scenarios. (Today, a broken door. Tomorrow, an axe murderer?)

4. Change your focus.
When you keep looking at what’s wrong, you keep finding more to look at. (First, it’s the broken door, then the messy room, then the tone of voice…)

They say that “energy goes where attention goes.” So, my husband and I keep reminding ourselves to STOP. And to focus on Landon’s better points. (Thankfully, there are plenty.)

5. Envision the best case scenario.
I don’t know about you but, I come from a long line of “catastrophizers.”

To counteract that tendency, I’ve been practicing a technique that my energy healer friend, Lisa Araquistain of Clarity For You suggested.

Instead of letting my imagination run wild with worst case scenarios, I put it to work. I imagine Landon in a bubble of light. I see a beautiful shade of aqua (it brings out his eyes).  I see him happily and calmly creating a mind-blowing piece of art. The vision fills me with such joy and comfort, instead of worry and fret.

Try putting whoever or whatever you’re struggling with in a “best case scenario” bubble of whatever color light feels right to you.  I can’t say that it instantly changes things. But I do believe it starts a process of creating a more positive energy field.

And as woo-woo as that sounds, there’s plenty of scientific proof (quantum physics) these days that thoughts do affect our reality. (Did you see What The Bleep Do We Know? It’s a film that explains way this better than I can.)

6. What you see is what will be. (You can quote me on this.)
I’m not saying we should just wish our challenges away.

I’m a big fan of taking steps to make things better. One of those steps is choosing to see the best.

It’s something I’ve learned in my 26 years of marriage to my soulmate of a husband, Will.

We went through a very rough patch when Landon was little and  I was overwhelmed by my Execu-Woman/New Mom life. Since he was closest to me, I dumped a lot of my angst on Will.

Everything he did (and didn’t do) bugged me. BIG TIME. And  the more I focused on those irritants, the more I saw.

It was a vicious cycle and one that I’m sure would have led me straight to Divorce Court had I not consciously changed my point of view.

Upon the advice of a brilliant therapist, I  started noticing what Will did right. IIn the beginning, I listed something as small as “he turned the coffee on in the morning.”

As my list of good stuff grew longer, I got to see the man I had fallen in love with in the first place. But it came from me changing my perspective. Nothing Will did.

7. See what  happens.
As always, it touches my heart to hear if anything I’ve unzipped here helps you in anyway.

As scary as it sometimes feels to share my inner voice with the outside world, it’s more than worth it—if somehow, someway, something I’ve learned on my journey helps you on yours.

And hopefully, whatever you share, will help someone else look at her life through different eyes.

Here’s to seeing the best in all our lives. With love and gratitude, Wendi xoxox

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8 comments to What you see really is what you get.

  • Wendi,
    This made my day and I will take your “Hallmark” wisdom into my life.

  • Jamie

    Your best one yet!! Some very thought-provoking and wise steps that we can ALL use! Good luck with Landon…J

    • Thanks, Jamie. Well, it feels good to keep looking for and sharing the silver linings in life’s storms.
      Great to hear from you. And just be grateful you have a long while til Karli’s a teenager.

  • Susun Cooper

    It takes so little energy to change our focus to “the best and forget the rest.” Constantly repeating all the challenges will turn even the sunniest of days into a disaster! It’s all just habitual behavior. We have been socialized to suffer, and it brings us so much pain. It helps me to tell myself to “stop!” the stories full of grief, and look to all the positive aspects of any one relationship or situation. What you’re suggesting is life-saving indeed! And to quote you, “What you see is what will be!” Without a doubt…

    • Thank you Susun. I agree it takes little energy but a whole lot of unlearning, or re-training our brains. That’s why it’s great to share our techniques and wisdom with each other. I really appreciate your perspective. Thanks for “unzipping” it.

  • Victoria

    Oh how I love you,
    And your lovely point of view.

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