Who am I anyway?
After 25 years as an
award winning
advertising Execu-
woman I'm on a
campaign to inspire
women to unzip their
inner joy through
my writing, paintings
and transformational
speaking. To find out
more about me
over here.

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of Transformation?

Each month we'll honor
a woman who has
changed her life or
someone else's. 

Contact me to
nominate yourself or
another goddess
(and tell me why).

Let’s talk conversation hearts, okay?

There’s something about those kitschy little hearts that, well….speak to me.

In fact, they just reminded me that maybe it’s time we changed our conversation about Valentines Day.

Don’t get me wrong.

I love hearts.

I love romance.

And I especially love a holiday that’s all about expressing love.

But the “sweet nothings” someone else whispers to us are not nearly as meaningful as the “not-so-sweet” things that we say to ourselves.

Whether we’re married or single, in a flourishing relationship or one that’s withering, the most important love connection we will ever make is with our own hearts.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say that every relationship in our lives is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. (And I bet my therapist would agree.)

Where are those words of love to ourselves?

Self-love isn’t just about getting pedicures or taking bubble baths.

It’s about the words we choose and the tone we take when we talk to ourselves.

Let’s face it, not too many of us look in the mirror and say, “Hey cutie” or “Luv ya.”

In fact, if you start paying attention to your self-talk, you’ll hear things you’d never dream of saying to someone else.

We call ourselves names. (“Stupid” and “Sloppy” and “_______”. (Fill in with your favorite form of diminishment.)

We compare and contrast our lips, skin, thighs, butts, stomachs, hair, love life, children, talents and “you-name-its” to our friends and strangers, cover girls and movie stars.

We analyze, scrutinize and terrorize ourselves with a judgmental “tsk-tsk” tone.

Of course, we don’t mean to treat our precious selves so harshly.  But it’s what we’re programmed to do.

Somewhere, somehow, we got the message it wasn’t “nice” to love ourselves. And that we just plain weren’t enough.

Of course, our Inner Critics took it from there.

(In fact, Edna, my Inner Critic, thinks this is my most ridiculous post yet.)

But what I’ve learned is, the more kindness, compassion, acceptance, patience and love we give ourselves, the more we receive from the outside world.

So, in the spirit of self-love, here are five Valentine gifts you could easily give yourself:

1. Baby yourself. We love babies unconditionally. Really, have you ever said “You dummy. Don’t you know how to walk yet?”

We tell them “Good try” when they teeter on their wobbly little legs. We know they’re learning and growing. And we love them for it. (Hint-hint.)

2. See the good in You. Next time you look in the mirror, instead of automatically zeroing in on what you don’t like, shift your focus.

Find something positive to say. (Even if it’s as little as “Wow, that pimple is almost gone.”) Me? I’m training myself to notice the color of my eyes instead of the dark circles under them.

3. Ask and you’ll receive. If you had a friend who looked absolutely exhausted, you probably wouldn’t say, “You look like shit.” You’d more likely ask lovingly,”Ahhh, you’ve been through it. What would make you feel better?”  Take the time to listen to your answer. That’s self-love.

4. Think before you speak. When my son was in kindergarten, he was taught to ask three questions before speaking to someone: “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?” I never forgot those questions. And neither should you when talking to yourself.

5. Change the conversation. You might want to make yourself some of your own little conversation hearts. They’re not bad for your teeth. And all you need is some paper and a pen.

Just tape your own little messages on your mirror, under your pillow or whatever you could use some love.

And this year,why settle for just a Happy Valentines Day.

Why not give yourself the gift of self-love all month long.

One conversation at a time.

With so much love,

P.S. It would make my heart especially happy if you’d share what’s in yours below. Or join the growing goddess-to-goddess conversation on Facebook.

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11 comments to Let’s talk conversation hearts, okay?

  • Susan G.

    Hi Wendi:

    I always love your words of wisdom; but this topic is particularly timely for me. I have been working at loving myself for what seems like forever. It’s tough as I was trained to do the opposite. Now I can accept where I am and know that it is okay. And with your wise words I’m still moving forward. Thank you for your courage, your wisdom and your gifts to us all.

    xoxo Susan

    • Thank you, Susan. It looks like you wrote me twice. And I’m doubly happy to receive the beautiful words you have to say.
      It’s the ultimate challenge….learning to love ourselves at a profound, unconditional level. We’re all teachers and all students on this one. Much love to you, Wendi

  • Susan G.

    Oh Wendi:
    This is so on time for me. I always love your messages, but this one rang so true for me. I have been on that journey for so many years; and now I am able to accept, rather than beat myself up, that I am in the right place at the right time and that it is okay. It’s a hard one for me to get, but I’m still a work in progress. Thank you for being so courageous and creative and for sharing your wisdom. xoxo

  • Carol

    This is wonderful and creative and just what I needed to read this morning! thank you, thank you, and thank you:)) You always write great stuff but you’ve outdone yourself with this one Wendi!!!

  • Krikit

    This is, by far, my mostest FAV goddess-bloggess of yours, to date, Wendi!<3

    I. myself, have often said that we love only to the degree that we understand being loved. In my own case, it's true to how I understand I am loved by God.
    Each of us has been created in a purposeful magnificent way…. to "BE" just exactly who we are proposed to be.

    It's such a loverly thing to witness you being the magnificent woman-being you were created to be, Wendi! You've been given such a gift to inspire, to to uplift, to encourage other women to understand their own magnificence — to become all they were create to be.

    Thank you, Wendi, for being YOU!. There is no other like you, no other to fulfill your place in the great plan of all things to be, and become.


    • Krikit—-I am so blown away by what you just wrote. You have continually uplifted and encouraged me while I’ve been in the process of unzipping my gifts. From the first time I saw your original chirp name, I have felt a profound heart connect with you.Your effusive, wise and appreciative comments from the very beginning have given me permission to open more and more. I have heard from you during some pretty dark periods
      and now, to see you receiving the kind of exuberant love you put out into the world returning back to you from your beloved is beautiful beyond words. With all my love and gratitude to you…..Wendi

  • Yesterday I looked in the mirror and realized, truly, deeply that I am beautiful <3

    It was incredibly powerful and wonderful and healing. Not to feel I'd be beautiful IF I lost 20lbs or IF I were younger etc…

    It's Fall In-Love with Yourself February over at my beloved new blog – I'd love to have you join in!

  • fredie

    I learned T.H.I.N.K. before opening my mouth. Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Important, Necessary and Kind. Keeps me out of trouble….;o)

    love you Wen

  • One of your best yet. I love that you thought of those little heart candies as the visual. You must be in advertising! So cute, clear, and creative.

    I heart u…

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